Broken Bones.

Someone asked me today, "Do you think it is possible to completely heal from divorce?". 

Well. To be honest this is something I have wondered myself. As I look back on the past three years (18 months of separation with some back and forth and now nearing 16 months divorced) I can say that yes, I am healed from my divorce. I no longer cry myself to sleep every night. I am able to laugh and dance and have joy in my life. I have gotten to the point to where I have forgiven and given it to God (and even become friendly with his new wife!). I no longer longingly look back at the past, or pray for marriage restoration.

But every once in awhile I get sad. Its not every day, in fact its not even every month. But when I see my children drive off with their dad and his new wife, I ache. That was supposed to be us, you see. The four of us, driving happily away to some grand adventure. But its not. When I visit the house where we lived for those five years, where we brought home our babies and we laughed and made memories, its hard for me to forget the last time we were there together. How I sat on the couch, crying and asking him to stay, holding our tiny babies, as he kissed them goodbye and turned and walked out the door. 

So yes, I am healed. God does that after all, if you give Him the pieces. But I still ache sometimes. I think perhaps I always will. And thats ok.

God reminded me today, of when a bone is broken and then mends. They always mend. And they are always stronger at the place where they were broken. But you know what? Some times when a storm blows in, or rain is nearby, that bone aches. Its healed yes, but it aches.

This ache may always show up during situations. But what it also reminds me is that I have a faithful God and I have made it through a broken heart. Stronger now, and able to empathize with others who ache.